Master Sommelier Swears Screwcap Wine Was Corked

SAG HARBOR, NY — Local winemaker Daniel Meeks is reeling after his two children, aged 6 and 8, flat-out refused to dress up as grapes for Halloween—a costume idea he described as “frigging hilarious.”

Sources confirm Meeks spent three hours hot-gluing purple balloons to a green hoodie before his eldest declared, “I hate your wine! It makes your breath smell like dead animals!”